Tough it out!

Let me tell you guys something.

I have never ever broken up with someone.

I just kinda stop talking to people I've dated in the past and as for the ex. . .well that was super messy but he was content with his side chick lol!

I have certainly never broken up with someone that I was still in love with.

It's probably the hardest thing I've done since trying to explain the divorce to the kids.

Also, it wasn't a decision I took lightly. I really thought about him moving here or me moving there (alas, it was long distance) but I knew that I couldn't move there since I had already moved once and really super hated it but thought I would still make a genuine go at trying.

Then I thought about him moving here and said really - what am I doing? Making this man give up his life. . .and I don't even have an apartment for him to stay in. He would never afford a nice home here because it's WAY expensive and no family and friends to boot! I know I wouldn't want to be put in that type of situation because it would really upset me. . .so why would I do that to someone I love.

I know he thinks otherwise, but I had long thought about how selfish it was to put someone under that kind of stress.

I mean. . .I was forced into it and it certainly was no picnic. I couldn't do that to anyone - let alone someone I care about.

I would have liked to be friends with the person but it's quite impossible for me to friends with someone I love. . .my bitter, jealous side would come out if I found out they were dating someone else. Very easy to be friends when you don't love a person thought.

The advice I received is to go at least 8 weeks without talking. . .but boy is that tough. I guess that's what happens when you end a relationship though. In the end. . .you just don't talk at all.

I hope that he can finally find someone to love that's close by and treats him really well. . .he really does deserve it. In my books. . .he IS a good guy, just insecure lol :)

But boy. . .it is really hard and it shows too. . .I got a stern talking too at work and everyone is noticing how miserable I am. Well - f*ck them. . .I'm going through a tough time - HA!