On Saturday I filed for divorce finally. Giving Kirk what he wanted. He no longer has to see, speak or hear of me ever again. Looks like he feels the same way about his kids most of the time.
I was depressed about it for Sunday so I didn't do anything for Mother's Day. Also, because it was snowing.
My job deeply depresses me too because I honestly don't know what I'm doing and I am trying but it's just difficult for me to grasp everything. I'm not so young anymore and this is something (math) that is just not my forte.
Today, the weekend was over and the first thing to greet me in the morning was my mom cursing me out for being a horrible mother and never doing anything but sleep, work and eat. I do not believe this is true but my shift changed so I'm not here to spend the nights with the girls anymore. I'll also be working weekends so that doesn't make it any easier. As my mom pointed out I just left them and didn't bother with them anymore. I knew this was going to happen when I started working nights. I had told them that this would be the shift I have to work and that the training would be nice for a while.
I didn't bother answering her. All they do is complain to me even though I feel depressed all the time - honestly, I just feel like committing suicide at this point it's just that depressing for me. I don't go anywhere either because I know they will complain about it. The only place I went to on Saturday was to file the papers and to clear up my credit card. That was about it. I really wish I lived on my own somewhere REALLY far from here. If I could, I would just pack up and move to some nowhere town in Ontario. I'm alone all the time anyways. I may as well take my kids with me and just get gone. That's what I really feel like doing. It's what I felt like doing in the first place when I was with Kirk.
Off to do more crying and crying and crying.
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