About a Million Things

I have probably a million things running through my mind at any given moment. I keep thinking about what I should write about. So very random. . .

Well, firstly. . .I informed Kirk Van Houten that I will be going over the lawyer to get the paperwork underway. Unlike Ol' Kirk, I don't leave someone scrambling to put their life together and inform them of my decision at the very last second. I don't understand how I ended up with this do*che. I probably should have turned him down after that first date especially since everyone told me I should NOT date that guy. I sadly think my faith in people was my downturn. I've obviously become more cynical now and realize that some folks are just damaged and can never get better no matter how many pills they take.

I tried to date. . .and really failed at it. Maybe I just don't know how to talk or flirt anymore. I have to come to accept that there are a lot of people out there who are alone and I'm one of them. Heck, I was alone when I was married anyways. It's probably why I feel the pinch of it . . .because I really have been alone for such a long time. For the first time, probably since my divorce got underway. . .everyone in the house was gone. It really struck me that I don't know what I'll do when everyone just moves on. I'm really going to have a get my own house and become a crazy cat lady. It's probably the only way I can happily live by myself.

I was looking at homes in Brampton. A TON of my co-workers live there and it seems to have more and more appeal to me lately. Also, the homes are cheap and may be within what I can afford even if I earn minimum wage. I would like my own space since my parents constantly complain about my things being here. It gets very demoralizing to me because it's not like I kicked myself out of my house and I really have been trying the best I can with my things and my girls' things. My parents' place was absolutely jam-packed before I moved in and it's obviously worse now. They also tell me that I have to do stuff around the house (which I do!) but I still get treated like a nuisance who can't get their life together and I'm encroaching on them with my kids and stuff.They complain about me constantly (to everyone who will listen!) and keep on me about how come I can't fix my marriage and how did I let it fail. Don't I love my kids? How did I let this happen? Etc, etc. I don't really have an answer for that, so I just stay quiet most of the time and retreat into a book or the internet. If it's really bad for me, I just go out for dinner and watch a movie by myself.

Speaking of which, that's how I went on the dates in the first place. I thought about asking folks to go with me but the reality is I know people are busy and that's just the way life is. I got tired of going by myself but the dates as I said earlier didn't work out either. So I'll have to be happy with my own company. What I see happening to me is becoming the mom who asks their kids to hang out with them because they have nobody and I really don't want that to happen so I'll just keep going by myself.

Terrified. . .that probably is the best way to describe my job situation now. I am constantly getting assessed and I have no idea what I'm doing. . .I only hope that I can keep my job at the end of three months. I also hope that I can do it well because I would really like to stay in the job because it's very close to my parent's house.

Well, always trying to end on a positive at least I have a job. I have a place to live and I'm surviving. I'm glad for that.

Alright Resolutions. . here we go. . .

Okay, diet and exercise and cleaning and organization, etc., I don't like you and you don't like me but I've gotta get serious about you.

Also, two posts in a row for me - Yippee!!

Okay, so here's what has been going down.

The mom-in-law had her partner pass away and was just a mess. I do feel bad but I honestly did not like the guy. Now that I have starting watching Dexter I'm beginning to think I might be more like him regarding death. I guess I see it as a part of life so I don't understand the grief and it makes me deeply uncomfortable to be around them.

Well, onwards.

She up and quit her job and received the house upon his passing. Well, she had no savings and wanted the money that we owed her for the roof that Dr. Evil promised her. Needless to say I was miffed that Dr. Evil would promise her something financially without consulting me and I had just gotten the debt under control. It wasn't paid off but at least we weren't doing a punishing payback to get it down. Now that I've given her the money I am back to square one for paying it ALL back. I hate having it and deeply wish it would go away but as always it takes time. So no more fun until I can get it back to where it has to be. No more extras, no more nothing. It's not too bad in the winter because I tend to hole myself up anyways. . .summer is when it's hardest.

So that's that. . .I'm broke-a** again!

Now on to other hopefully uplifting news. As always I'm trying to lose weight. Not succeeding at it but certainly trying. I'm going to try a simple diet and now that I have a treadmill - gonna try to do that too! I hope to keep the balance that I have going now. Taking the girls to school on Monday to Wednesday and then doing stuff on Thursday on Friday so that I spend the weekends working on fixing the house. I sincerely hope that I can get Dr. Evil on board with me. As it's important that we get our lives organized and on the same page for the kiddles.

Dr. Evil tends to always make grandiose plans but not really short-term do-able ones. I'm trying to work with what I have but he tends to stray into the "well, we can do this if you do this and we should do that if we get that." I'm always attempting to tell him; let's work on what we have and when we actually complete what is at the top of the list then we can move on to the other things. I'll see how that works out and what happens. Hopefully, I will be able to complete all my resolutions as it's been an icky year and I'm looking forward to it ending.

Here I go. . .

Randomness

This is just a random post that I will babble through.

Well, Thing One had another Doctor's appointment and she's doing well. Still worried about scarring and as I said before Dr. Evil is trying to be on top of it so she'll be able to wear a two-piece one day. His words not mine.

Now that she's getting better I have to start seriously thinking about the driving thing. You have no idea how much driving stresses me out. I sincerely hate it and still have anxiety attacks behind the wheel. On the other hand I don't want to throw away all the work I had to do a couple years before to get the G2.

These are the days I just strongly dislike Dr. Evil because I think if he had just gotten his licence like I asked him too then I could have had all the time in the world to get mine. Naturally, he never wants to do things the easy way so when I was stuck at home taking care of the kids and desperately wanting to move away from Toronto he was fettering away with his palm pilot. I realized then that if I didn't just go and get it, I'd be screwed forever. Mind you, even after I got it and I had to fight Dr. Evil and insane amount of times to get his. He's very much the kind of person that will say "why should I do it if someone will do it for me." I believe this motto applies to every area of his life.

As it stands, my neighbours think he's weird because I do all the mowing and gardening and heavy chores while he doesn't. He of course is ummm. . .progressive? Naturally, why should he lift heavy bags when I could . . .not like I was 7 months pregnant or anything - HA!

But I digress. So now I'm facing the dreaded driving test and even worse, it's the highway test. Totally Freaking Me OUT!! I'm going to try to start my lessons soon and attempt to get it on the first try. I doubt I'll be able to but I only have until September before it all goes away and I have to start at square one.

Just NOT looking forward to this!!!!!

In other news. . .Happy Birthday to this person's little guy who will be all of 2 today :)

Also, have to figure out what Opposite George wants. O.G.'s birthday is on the 27th and seems to be in a rut. Somehow O.G. believes that their life is extremely boring and they nothing new and exciting to do. Well. . .that may be true. But hey, that's kinda my life too - LOL!
FML.

Random Thoughts 2

Told ya I was going to do another one of these.

• Been watching a whole bunch of tween/teen movies. I saw Twilight, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen and She's the Man. Although, my adult brain can no longer understand the scores of stupidity in these movies; putting my brain aside, I found them light-hearted and enjoyable.
• Still having Drama with Dr. Evil's family over our roof getting done. Late-night calls, threatening to overcharge us and such. In hindsight, this may have not been worth it. Guess I'll be spending all my Christmases here or in London.
• Feeling heavily blue all the time. Still haven't been back to school. Told Dr. Evil to get me some Vitamin D and Cod Liver Oil; hopefully this will give me the energy I need.
• Twins are off to the Godparents this weekend. I will finally get a break and they will get to watch Monsters vs. Aliens. Also, godfather burned a whole bunch of movies for them to watch. . .very happy with that, finally means I'll get to watch something other than Shrek 2 constantly.
• Am starting on a sci-fi/documentary watching bend. Probably inspired by the current book I'm reading. I believe it's the longest gap of time I've ever taken for reading a book, mostly because of the moving/children thing. Been about 2 years.
• Sad about the fact that I'm at square one again for the debt. This is gonna be a lot tougher to get through than I imagined.
  
• Glad about the house looking more like what I envisioned when I moved in. It's not perfectly there but it's definitely a good start. Hope that I can get a lot of work done on the outside of the place in the summer.
• Also happy that it's warming up. . .looking forward to 30 degree weather soon (I hope!).
• Need to make plans to visit folks. Namely folks I didn't fit in last year. . .it's a pain never having a free weekend but hey, if I don't keep in touch who know when I'll see folks again.
  

Random Thoughts

I'm taking a page out of her book and putting down my random thoughts. I'll probably do this now and again.

• Why isn't Lost on? Instead, they're putting on a repeat and then showing two new episodes next week. Why not just put on the new episode this week and and a new one next week and air the repeat after the new one? Sometimes TV people make no sense to me.
• I went to the dentist today. I haven't been since about 1999. Things have changed, but it's just as expensive as I remember. . .unfortunately.
• Dr. Evil is still sick and now I'm sick. I was just sick. Now here I am again. I solely blame Dr. Evil who apparently thinks he can cough over everything and have me clean up constantly. I really do take care of three children.
• The roof needs to be re-done. The family are coming this Sunday. I sincerely hope everything goes well. I just do not like dealing with the in-laws. . .but hey, I'm getting a roof. Now I just need to figure out what colour I want it in. . .I was thinking red and grey.
• Lots of invites to places and I really don't want to go. Besides the fact I'm broke, I just really want to stay in. I know that in the summer, I'll be the one heading out constantly to see folks so I need my break to last as long as possible.
• A little jealous of the kids, they're getting to watch Monsters vs. Aliens and have a night out. . .while I've been stuck at home and haven't been to a theatre since I saw the craptacular Quarantine.
• I really wish I had a treadmill.
• Ever since I put a sexy picture on my twitter account, I've got a hell of lot more followers.
• I have to clean before the aforementioned in-laws come. As I said before I'm sick and I'm tired but I will still be the only one who does it all. . .I sincerely hope that I will be able to take a real vacation as it's been since 1999 that I did that too.