I had lunch with the twiddles godparents yesterday and got them all caught up on the constant craptacularity that seems to be my life.
I went over being alone again and they were supportive as they always are.
I regaled them with my home issues which I never tell anyone about. . .the only reason I tell them is because their godfather lived with me and saw things firsthand so he tried to offer me solutions but I explained why I was just. . .stuck! They understood.
I talked about my plans this year and how I hoped to follow through on things that I had started. They said that I could come by and have a break with the lil' ones. They were more than happy to help out any way they could.
They are so awesome. There aren't enough words to describe how wonderful they are. I've never met people I so want to see very, very blessed in their lives. Insanely generous with their time and money and efforts. I told them flat out. . ."I don't know what I'd do without you guys in my life"
They bought me groceries too lol
They really are good stuff
Monday, January 7, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Lose the Attitude
I must say that I have been deeply blessed in my job. It's an ordinary job and it allows me to pretty much play Candy Crush Saga on fb all day
. . .as long as I smile and look pretty!
I got a very stern lecture about my attitude and how I should look more busy and not socialize. I was told that I looked really tired and it was hinted that I was gaining weight.
It is true that my entire job requires me to essentially look good.
I look tired because I wasn't really putting on my make-up and you could see I was not the most glamorous person when I didn't have it on. I wasn't putting on earrings and had minimal effort in my wardrobe.
I decided to turn my computer around and put up a note that said the following.
DO REMEMBER
*Do Not Talk to or Socialize with Co-workers*
*Paste on a Smile at every Opportunity*
*Do Not Make Jokes*
*Keep Your Job*
Do it for THEM because they have no one else but you!
Seriously, I printed that out and pasted it onto my desk where I could see it.
I also turned my computer the f*ck around.
. . .as long as I smile and look pretty!
I got a very stern lecture about my attitude and how I should look more busy and not socialize. I was told that I looked really tired and it was hinted that I was gaining weight.
It is true that my entire job requires me to essentially look good.
I look tired because I wasn't really putting on my make-up and you could see I was not the most glamorous person when I didn't have it on. I wasn't putting on earrings and had minimal effort in my wardrobe.
I decided to turn my computer around and put up a note that said the following.
DO REMEMBER
*Do Not Talk to or Socialize with Co-workers*
*Paste on a Smile at every Opportunity*
*Do Not Make Jokes*
*Keep Your Job*
Do it for THEM because they have no one else but you!
Seriously, I printed that out and pasted it onto my desk where I could see it.
I also turned my computer the f*ck around.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Tough it out!
Let me tell you guys something.
I have never ever broken up with someone.
I just kinda stop talking to people I've dated in the past and as for the ex. . .well that was super messy but he was content with his side chick lol!
I have certainly never broken up with someone that I was still in love with.
It's probably the hardest thing I've done since trying to explain the divorce to the kids.
Also, it wasn't a decision I took lightly. I really thought about him moving here or me moving there (alas, it was long distance) but I knew that I couldn't move there since I had already moved once and really super hated it but thought I would still make a genuine go at trying.
Then I thought about him moving here and said really - what am I doing? Making this man give up his life. . .and I don't even have an apartment for him to stay in. He would never afford a nice home here because it's WAY expensive and no family and friends to boot! I know I wouldn't want to be put in that type of situation because it would really upset me. . .so why would I do that to someone I love.
I know he thinks otherwise, but I had long thought about how selfish it was to put someone under that kind of stress.
I mean. . .I was forced into it and it certainly was no picnic. I couldn't do that to anyone - let alone someone I care about.
I would have liked to be friends with the person but it's quite impossible for me to friends with someone I love. . .my bitter, jealous side would come out if I found out they were dating someone else. Very easy to be friends when you don't love a person thought.
The advice I received is to go at least 8 weeks without talking. . .but boy is that tough. I guess that's what happens when you end a relationship though. In the end. . .you just don't talk at all.
I hope that he can finally find someone to love that's close by and treats him really well. . .he really does deserve it. In my books. . .he IS a good guy, just insecure lol :)
But boy. . .it is really hard and it shows too. . .I got a stern talking too at work and everyone is noticing how miserable I am. Well - f*ck them. . .I'm going through a tough time - HA!
I have never ever broken up with someone.
I just kinda stop talking to people I've dated in the past and as for the ex. . .well that was super messy but he was content with his side chick lol!
I have certainly never broken up with someone that I was still in love with.
It's probably the hardest thing I've done since trying to explain the divorce to the kids.
Also, it wasn't a decision I took lightly. I really thought about him moving here or me moving there (alas, it was long distance) but I knew that I couldn't move there since I had already moved once and really super hated it but thought I would still make a genuine go at trying.
Then I thought about him moving here and said really - what am I doing? Making this man give up his life. . .and I don't even have an apartment for him to stay in. He would never afford a nice home here because it's WAY expensive and no family and friends to boot! I know I wouldn't want to be put in that type of situation because it would really upset me. . .so why would I do that to someone I love.
I know he thinks otherwise, but I had long thought about how selfish it was to put someone under that kind of stress.
I mean. . .I was forced into it and it certainly was no picnic. I couldn't do that to anyone - let alone someone I care about.
I would have liked to be friends with the person but it's quite impossible for me to friends with someone I love. . .my bitter, jealous side would come out if I found out they were dating someone else. Very easy to be friends when you don't love a person thought.
The advice I received is to go at least 8 weeks without talking. . .but boy is that tough. I guess that's what happens when you end a relationship though. In the end. . .you just don't talk at all.
I hope that he can finally find someone to love that's close by and treats him really well. . .he really does deserve it. In my books. . .he IS a good guy, just insecure lol :)
But boy. . .it is really hard and it shows too. . .I got a stern talking too at work and everyone is noticing how miserable I am. Well - f*ck them. . .I'm going through a tough time - HA!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
In this space. . .again
I don't make very good company when I get into a funk. I do become quite a bit more focused however. It's probably my way of distracting myself since I kinda internalize a lot of stuff.
I cant stop loving you, baby
In this world so tired and jaded.
Can anybody feel me at all?
Indeed.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
A Year in Review 2012. . .Also, Happy 2013!
I teefed it from Miz Meli
What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
I wrote and passed a provincial & federal exam, I got hired full-time
2.Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Nah, not really. . .I should
3.Did anyone close to you give birth?
Miz Shel
4.Did anyone close to you die?
No. Counts Blessings.
5.What countries did you visit?
Stayed within the country but took first (or second after Niagara Falls?) vacation to Halifax, Nova Scotia.
6.What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Pay debt. . .get divorced.
7.What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I guess taking the twinsies on their first plane ride.
8.What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Passing those hard ass exams!
9.What was your biggest failure?
I genuinely feel like I'm a walking failure. . .I have so much I have to do to get where I want and need to be.
10.Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got into a funk now and then but nothing really.
11.What was the best thing you bought?
A drawing
12.Whose behavior merited celebration?
Twinsies did a good job adjusting at the beginning of the year.
13.Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The ex. . .but it was expected. Some things never change.
14.Where did most of your money go?
Lawyer, school. . .bills and stuff.
15.What events did you get really, really, really excited about?
My vacation to Nova Scotia
16.What song will always remind you of 2012?
Tom Petty's You Don't Know How It Feels . . . I played it a lot.
17.Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or Sadder? Sadder.
ii. Thinner or Fatter? Fatter :(
iii. Richer or Poorer? Poorer.
18.What do you wish you’d done more of?
Lost weight or accomplished more.
19.What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spend money. . .but it was probably worth it.
20.How did you spend Christmas?
At my sister's house. . .just the family - long time since that's happened. It was nice.
21.Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
John
22.Did you fall in love in 2012?
I was already in love.
23. How many one-night stands?
Does it count if it was long distance and you hardly saw the person? HA!
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Futurama, Adventure Time with Finn & Jake
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No, not really.
26. What was the best book you read?
A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
27. What was your greatest musical discovery or rediscovery?
Tom Petty
28. What did you want and get?
Vacation with the kiddles
29. What did you want and not get?
Moola . . . lol!
30. What were your favorite films of this year?
Madagascar 3
31.What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I worked and it was super sh*tty.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Custody, Divorce and debts paid
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
The dramatic eye
34. What kept you sane?
The weenie tots
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most/least?
I guess I'm all hardcore for Bruno Mars now :)
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Too many
37. Whom did you miss?
A couple of folks
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Prolly UJ
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
It's okay to be alone.
40. Do you have any lost feelings of others.
I don't think so.
41.Quote a song that sums up your year:
"I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way"
- Lady Gaga
What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
I wrote and passed a provincial & federal exam, I got hired full-time
2.Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Nah, not really. . .I should
3.Did anyone close to you give birth?
Miz Shel
4.Did anyone close to you die?
No. Counts Blessings.
5.What countries did you visit?
Stayed within the country but took first (or second after Niagara Falls?) vacation to Halifax, Nova Scotia.
6.What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Pay debt. . .get divorced.
7.What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I guess taking the twinsies on their first plane ride.
8.What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Passing those hard ass exams!
9.What was your biggest failure?
I genuinely feel like I'm a walking failure. . .I have so much I have to do to get where I want and need to be.
10.Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got into a funk now and then but nothing really.
11.What was the best thing you bought?
A drawing
12.Whose behavior merited celebration?
Twinsies did a good job adjusting at the beginning of the year.
13.Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The ex. . .but it was expected. Some things never change.
14.Where did most of your money go?
Lawyer, school. . .bills and stuff.
15.What events did you get really, really, really excited about?
My vacation to Nova Scotia
16.What song will always remind you of 2012?
Tom Petty's You Don't Know How It Feels . . . I played it a lot.
17.Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or Sadder? Sadder.
ii. Thinner or Fatter? Fatter :(
iii. Richer or Poorer? Poorer.
18.What do you wish you’d done more of?
Lost weight or accomplished more.
19.What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spend money. . .but it was probably worth it.
20.How did you spend Christmas?
At my sister's house. . .just the family - long time since that's happened. It was nice.
21.Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
John
22.Did you fall in love in 2012?
I was already in love.
23. How many one-night stands?
Does it count if it was long distance and you hardly saw the person? HA!
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Futurama, Adventure Time with Finn & Jake
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No, not really.
26. What was the best book you read?
A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
27. What was your greatest musical discovery or rediscovery?
Tom Petty
28. What did you want and get?
Vacation with the kiddles
29. What did you want and not get?
Moola . . . lol!
30. What were your favorite films of this year?
Madagascar 3
31.What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I worked and it was super sh*tty.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Custody, Divorce and debts paid
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
The dramatic eye
34. What kept you sane?
The weenie tots
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most/least?
I guess I'm all hardcore for Bruno Mars now :)
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Too many
37. Whom did you miss?
A couple of folks
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Prolly UJ
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
It's okay to be alone.
40. Do you have any lost feelings of others.
I don't think so.
41.Quote a song that sums up your year:
"I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way"
- Lady Gaga
Saturday, October 13, 2012
*Sigh*
I've been a little introspective lately. I was thinking about how much and how dramatically my life changed over the last few years.
I was thinking about the choices I've made and the road I took. It's always hard to know if you're making the right steps.
Sometimes I wish I could visit a fortuneteller or soothsayer who could accurately tell me what path to take to ensure my happiness but especially the happiness of Thing 1 and Thing 2.
I am very keenly aware of how my life and choices affect them. I try my best but I often feel that I am failing them. I wish I could provide more for them. I know that many people have told me that as long as I am happy they will see it and feel it but sometimes I'm not so sure if I'm providing enough for them.
I'm sure every parent feels that way. I have seen a person with two loving parents and what I consider a wonderful life end up very insecure and not very happy. On the other hand, I've seen someone from a completely broken home and having a parent abandon them living a very hard and difficult life end up relatively happy and loving and fairly put together.
I guess it's hard to know.
Love this song since I heard him sing it on the VH1 awards -->
I was thinking about the choices I've made and the road I took. It's always hard to know if you're making the right steps.
Sometimes I wish I could visit a fortuneteller or soothsayer who could accurately tell me what path to take to ensure my happiness but especially the happiness of Thing 1 and Thing 2.
I am very keenly aware of how my life and choices affect them. I try my best but I often feel that I am failing them. I wish I could provide more for them. I know that many people have told me that as long as I am happy they will see it and feel it but sometimes I'm not so sure if I'm providing enough for them.
I'm sure every parent feels that way. I have seen a person with two loving parents and what I consider a wonderful life end up very insecure and not very happy. On the other hand, I've seen someone from a completely broken home and having a parent abandon them living a very hard and difficult life end up relatively happy and loving and fairly put together.
I guess it's hard to know.
Love this song since I heard him sing it on the VH1 awards -->
Friday, July 6, 2012
That's What Dreams Are Made Of
I went to my cousin's very awesome wedding this weekend. It was absolutely amazing. . .definitely hard to live down :)
I got pretty drunk. . .happily so and my thoughts only turned to one thing. That I was there alone. I've always hated going to weddings alone and I should really start asking a friend to come with me but then I think they might feel awkward too, especially a guy lol!
So I did what I always do. . .I just danced the night away until my cousins took me home. I don't even remember what I said to anyone *hangs head in shame*
A few guys friended me on facebook. I don't remember them. I think I remember dancing with them but that's about it. I know for sure I didn't say anything weird because I only talked to my cousins all night. Good times had by all - HA!
My babies looked so pretty :)
I got pretty drunk. . .happily so and my thoughts only turned to one thing. That I was there alone. I've always hated going to weddings alone and I should really start asking a friend to come with me but then I think they might feel awkward too, especially a guy lol!
So I did what I always do. . .I just danced the night away until my cousins took me home. I don't even remember what I said to anyone *hangs head in shame*
A few guys friended me on facebook. I don't remember them. I think I remember dancing with them but that's about it. I know for sure I didn't say anything weird because I only talked to my cousins all night. Good times had by all - HA!
My babies looked so pretty :)
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