Back to the Dating Pool

So my relationship of. . .awhile had ended. Kinda sucks but there's nothing I can do about it.

As it is - I don't think it's too easy for me to meet someone and have a meaningful relationship.

I never have an issue with guys asking me out - unfortunately most of them are weirdos.

Let me think back to some of the winners I had.

One guy seemed nice. Handsome, pretty decent. We started chatting via text. Just usual conversation. Then he tells me that he would like to sex wrestle me(?!) and that I should be a bodybuilder. Very weird how the conversation came to that with no prompting from me. I think the final straw is when he told me was "built like a black guy" and sent me a d*ck pic. So that was the end of that.

Another one I actually did go on a date with again seemed nice enough. We had our first and only date. He told me that he really liked country music and absolutely LOVED "Creed." Yeah, I can't dig anyone who likes Creed so that was the end of that.

I guess it was great meeting J because he was . . .normal! I was very happy about that. At least I know there are decent guys out there but he lived really far away from me.

Now I got hop right back into that "Dick-pic, Creed-lovin'" dating pool. *Sigh* Wish me Luck - HA!

Happy Birthday to My Lil' Boo Bears :)

My lil' weenie tots turned 7! I am so freakin' old :S

Bought three cakes for them --> two for school and one for at home.

Asked them if they liked their birthday party and they said yes, they loved it and their cool presents.

Glad they don't realize they're having a huge party on Saturday. . .takes so little to please children lol!

The twins like this song for some reason?! No clue.

Sacred Heart Diet

Okay, I promised this update of my weight. I dropped to 151!! Hey, I think 5 pounds is pretty awesome for one week. I think I'll stick to the Veggies, Fruit and Protein thing. I even cheated and had Ceasar salads - so I think that's pretty amazing. Still need to pump up the exercise. All in all I'm very pleased - especially with the energy I have now and my face clearing up.

Don't think I can stick to it forever though because . . .well. . .I LOVE carbs. . .they're delish! But I can handle a few weeks until I'm ON DE PLANE :D

Here's a throwback I heard on G98.7 - man, I miss music like this sometimes. I especially love that she's not the thinnest chick on the planet and has curves and a great voice.

Trinidad Carnival 2013

So less than a month away I'll be boarding a plane and heading to the twin Caribbean islands of Trinidad & Tobago for Carnival.

I'll be jumping up with Miz Mel and Miz Li :)

Totally and completely a once in a lifetime thing that I'm absolutely thrilled to be doing. . .except. . .I'm not in great shape :S

I had started one diet but since I cheated constantly on it, I gained a ton of weight!

So terrible and now the time is too short for me to lose the weight I gained plus the weight I originally wanted to lose (damn you holidays for being so delicious!)

So I'm just going to try to eat healthy for the next couple of weeks before I leave.

I started this diet on Thursday which is supposed to be a type of cleanse. 

It's called the Sacred Heart Diet. I had read of another blogger who said she tried it and lost 8 pounds. Although the diet promises between 10 to 17 I was thinking . . .even 5 to 8 sound amazing to me for one week!

I also thought it was a good way for me to curb the cravings that I'm feeling all the time.

So on Wednesday I went and did a big grocery shop with my dad and had my grocery cart filled with fruits and veggies galore. Anything I liked I picked up.

When I got home my mom helped me make the soup. The only thing I couldn't find were green beans (weirdly?!) and so I subbed in sugar snap peas and zuccini.

Day One is a Fruit and Soup day.

I had packed two bowls of the soup. I had bought a fruit salad to take with me for breakfast. I cut up strawberries, pears and added grapes and cherries to a container to take. When I got to work I ate the fruit salad for breakfast and drank some herbal tea. I took out some fruit and ate it. Had the soup for lunch. When UJ saw it she said "Wow, that looks like a super healthy soup!" I said it was but it was kinda bland. I guess because it had no meat in it.

 I had ordered a platter of sub sandwiches for a client who was in and there were a ton of leftovers. I took three to take home but MAN, those sandwiches smelled good and I COULD NOT take a bite :(
J kept pushing all this banana bread on me too so I finally took it to give to the twins. UJ gave me hers too. I ate my fruits but the banana bread smelled really good. I was definitely craving carbs but I stuck it out. I had started to get a headached. Probably from the lack of carbs and processed sugar my body is used to so I took a Tylenol and headed home.

When I got home. . .I can't describe it. . . I felt SO sleepy and I didn't even eat the second bowl of soup. I just wasn't that hungry. I went to bed at 8:30 which I never do but really needed the shut eye.

Day Two is Veggie and Soup day.

I only packed one bowl of the soup for work. I cut up carrots, broccoli, peppers(orange & yellow) and cucumber (no clue if that's a veggie or fruit). I also took some spinach greens for breakfast.

I had a cup of tea at work. I started on the greens. Really bland without dressing. Around lunchtime I had my soup. And it totally hit. . .I felt REALLY AWAKE! The diet does say you'll feel that on the third day but it happened to me on my second. I got so much work done. I was really pleased because I had been lagging on an audit I had to finish. I snacked on the veggies.

When I got home I had some baked potato with butter. It was good. . .but not great. Filling though. I didn't eat anything else after that. All through I've been drinking as much water as I can.

Day Three is Fruits and Veggies Day with Soup.

Today would be a real test. It was the weekend now and I was home. I had to go out with my mom and the twins. Also, plans later on that night with friends.

I ate an avocado for breakfast and had some tea. I got in a small workout which was nice. Before we all left I ate some of the soup. At the mall while my family feasted away on KFC, I managed to scrounge a garden side salad from Burger King that consisted of LOTS of lettuce, two slices of tomato, two baby carrots and one slice of cucumber. It was so cold it hurt my teeth. Thank goodness I brought a few clementines to snack on. I was dying to go home because I was so HONGRAY!

When I got home Miz Li said she was on her way. I was already dressed so I figured not to worry. After a while of waiting I got super hungry and decided to eat more of the soup. Unfortunately I spilled it on my jeans and that was when Miz Li called to say she was here :S

I tried to change as quickly as possible and headed out still super hungry. When we all arrived at Denny's finally. I saw nothing on the menu that was only fruits or veggies. I decided to break my diet and have a chicken Ceasar salad. It tasted AMAZING! I guess because I had had nothing with dressing or meat in a few days. When I got home I only drank water and hit the hay early.

Day Four is Bananas/Skim Milk

I had an avocado and two bananas for breakfast with some tea. I worked out again. I was happy for that. I ate one bowl of the soup for lunch before I went out. Walked to the grocery store and bought some steaks for lunch tomorrow.

When I got home I had another avocado and a mango. I had my last banana with a glass of skim milk. I'm not especially fond of milk. I probably could have skipped it. My mom made the steaks and tomatoes for me to have for lunch tomorrow. I cheated again and ate some but found it pretty bland. It really is just some beef with tomatoes. I left the rest for tomorrow's lunch. Just drinking water for the rest of the day. I think I just find that I'm not that hungry on the diet. I haven't weighed myself yet. I know that I started at 156 pounds so I guess I'll see on day seven if anything changed. Here's hoping!

A Great Evening

Today after I finished work, I went out with my co-worker for coffee.

I had such a great time!

Just some background here. My buddy I went out with - we pretty much started together. He was a co-op student. . .and well, I had no training in my jarb.

We definitely clicked. . .since we both spoke english for one, also we were hard workers.

He's an awesome friend. He's always pushing me to do more and never settle. Completely helped me passed my provincial and federal exams.

After work, we went to Starbucks and he grabbed a plain coffee and I (of course) drank a Caramel Macchiato and Lemon Poppyseed cake (yeah, I told him I just conceded to our friend and lost the battle of the bulge competition we were having lol)

We talked about work A LOT and everything else too for like 4 hours straight! He's still always there pushing me, don't settle - we can do more. We're hard workers and there's so much we can do and get done and accomplish.

I believe him.

I kept thinking, man - my buddy reminds me of someone.

I started talking about my sister and how she's always pushing me. Then it dawned on me that they have the same personality. I laughed and told him. . .no wonder we get along so well buddy - you're just like my sister. In fact, you're the same age and same strong motivation.

I also told him. . .you have the same problem with overloading yourself with too much work and responsibility. Take a breather now and then buddy.

He said he looked forward to meeting her at a party I have coming up. I told him - she'll probably really like you too :)

I also told him. . .make sure you can make it and not go to one of your 4 other jobs - HA!

This too shall pass. . .

I had lunch with the twiddles godparents yesterday and got them all caught up on the constant craptacularity that seems to be my life.

I went over being alone again and they were supportive as they always are.

I regaled them with my home issues which I never tell anyone about. . .the only reason I tell them is because their godfather lived with me and saw things firsthand so he tried to offer me solutions but I explained why I was just. . .stuck! They understood.

I talked about my plans this year and how I hoped to follow through on things that I had started. They said that I could come by and have a break with the lil' ones. They were more than happy to help out any way they could.

They are so awesome. There aren't enough words to describe how wonderful they are. I've never met people I so want to see very, very blessed in their lives. Insanely generous with their time and money and efforts. I told them flat out. . ."I don't know what I'd do without you guys in my life"

They bought me groceries too lol

They really are good stuff

Lose the Attitude

I must say that I have been deeply blessed in my job. It's an ordinary job and it allows me to pretty much play Candy Crush Saga on fb all day

. . .as long as I smile and look pretty!

I got a very stern lecture about my attitude and how I should look more busy and not socialize. I was told that I looked really tired and it was hinted that I was gaining weight.

It is true that my entire job requires me to essentially look good.

I look tired because I wasn't really putting on my make-up and you could see I was not the most glamorous person when I didn't have it on. I wasn't putting on earrings and had minimal effort in my wardrobe.

I decided to turn my computer around and put up a note that said the following.

DO REMEMBER
*Do Not Talk to or Socialize with Co-workers*
*Paste on a Smile at every Opportunity*
*Do Not Make Jokes*
*Keep Your Job*

Do it for THEM because they have no one else but you!

Seriously, I printed that out and pasted it onto my desk where I could see it.

I also turned my computer the f*ck around. 

Tough it out!

Let me tell you guys something.

I have never ever broken up with someone.

I just kinda stop talking to people I've dated in the past and as for the ex. . .well that was super messy but he was content with his side chick lol!

I have certainly never broken up with someone that I was still in love with.

It's probably the hardest thing I've done since trying to explain the divorce to the kids.

Also, it wasn't a decision I took lightly. I really thought about him moving here or me moving there (alas, it was long distance) but I knew that I couldn't move there since I had already moved once and really super hated it but thought I would still make a genuine go at trying.

Then I thought about him moving here and said really - what am I doing? Making this man give up his life. . .and I don't even have an apartment for him to stay in. He would never afford a nice home here because it's WAY expensive and no family and friends to boot! I know I wouldn't want to be put in that type of situation because it would really upset me. . .so why would I do that to someone I love.

I know he thinks otherwise, but I had long thought about how selfish it was to put someone under that kind of stress.

I mean. . .I was forced into it and it certainly was no picnic. I couldn't do that to anyone - let alone someone I care about.

I would have liked to be friends with the person but it's quite impossible for me to friends with someone I love. . .my bitter, jealous side would come out if I found out they were dating someone else. Very easy to be friends when you don't love a person thought.

The advice I received is to go at least 8 weeks without talking. . .but boy is that tough. I guess that's what happens when you end a relationship though. In the end. . .you just don't talk at all.

I hope that he can finally find someone to love that's close by and treats him really well. . .he really does deserve it. In my books. . .he IS a good guy, just insecure lol :)

But boy. . .it is really hard and it shows too. . .I got a stern talking too at work and everyone is noticing how miserable I am. Well - f*ck them. . .I'm going through a tough time - HA!

In this space. . .again

I don't make very good company when I get into a funk. I do become quite a bit more focused however. It's probably my way of distracting myself since I kinda internalize a lot of stuff.

I cant stop loving you, baby

In this world so tired and jaded.

Can anybody feel me at all?

Indeed.

A Year in Review 2012. . .Also, Happy 2013!

 I teefed it from Miz Meli

What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
I wrote and passed a provincial & federal exam, I got hired full-time

2.Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Nah, not really. . .I should

3.Did anyone close to you give birth?
Miz Shel

4.Did anyone close to you die?
No. Counts Blessings.

5.What countries did you visit?
Stayed within the country but took first (or second after Niagara Falls?) vacation to Halifax, Nova Scotia.

6.What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Pay debt. . .get divorced.

7.What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I guess taking the twinsies on their first plane ride.

8.What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Passing those hard ass exams!

9.What was your biggest failure?
I genuinely feel like I'm a walking failure. . .I have so much I have to do to get where I want and need to be.

10.Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got into a funk now and then but nothing really.

11.What was the best thing you bought?
A drawing

12.Whose behavior merited celebration?
Twinsies did a good job adjusting at the beginning of the year.

13.Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The ex. . .but it was expected. Some things never change.

14.Where did most of your money go?
Lawyer, school. . .bills and stuff.

15.What events did you get really, really, really excited about?
My vacation to Nova Scotia

16.What song will always remind you of 2012?
Tom Petty's You Don't Know How It Feels . . . I played it a lot.


17.Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or Sadder? Sadder.

ii. Thinner or Fatter? Fatter :(

iii. Richer or Poorer? Poorer.

18.What do you wish you’d done more of?
Lost weight or accomplished more.

19.What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spend money. . .but it was probably worth it.

20.How did you spend Christmas?
At my sister's house. . .just the family - long time since that's happened. It was nice.

21.Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
John

22.Did you fall in love in 2012?
I was already in love.

23. How many one-night stands?
Does it count if it was long distance and you hardly saw the person? HA!

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Futurama, Adventure Time with Finn & Jake

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No, not really.

26. What was the best book you read?
A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry

27. What was your greatest musical discovery or rediscovery?
Tom Petty

28. What did you want and get?
Vacation with the kiddles

29. What did you want and not get?
Moola . . . lol!

30. What were your favorite films of this year?
Madagascar 3

31.What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I worked and it was super sh*tty.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
 Custody, Divorce and debts paid


33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
The dramatic eye

34. What kept you sane?
The weenie tots

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most/least?
I guess I'm all hardcore for Bruno Mars now :)

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Too many

37. Whom did you miss?
A couple of folks

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Prolly UJ

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
It's okay to be alone.

40. Do you have any lost feelings of others.
I don't think so.


41.Quote a song that sums up your year:
"I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way"
- Lady Gaga