FML

Yeah, a great big FML to me :) Shucks, me and my predicaments *nods head sadly*

It's like that. . .and that's the way it is. . .

Hmmm, I've always worn black. . . I think I'm pretty fond of black. I think that colour looks darn good on me ;)



D & H :)

D & H ;)

What can I say? HA XD




Missin' my peeps :)

Every Little Thing Gonna Be Alright

So I keep telling myself despite all the worry and stress. Again, very lonely. I don't remember the last time I spoke to someone or even had the time. It's just one thing after another. Always playing catch up and clean up and everything else. The hotness (yes, I find him hot!) that is Louis C.K. has gotten me thru some nights. His comedy is definitely cheering me up on some low days. Hope your days are cheery! :)

I'll put something witty here later. . .

Wow, I finally get to come on teh internets again for 5 seconds!! HA! Yeah, pretty darn busy. So far - not too bad. Lots of stress to deal with but things come with time. Getting settled and getting into a new and permanent routine. As long as Thing 1 and Thing 2 are happy and looked after then I can be content. Mind ya, it's pretty lonely. It's also very quiet here but I don't mind going to bed so early :) I always assumed I was a routine kind of person - and clearly I am. Have had a cold for about 3 weeks now. . .it's slowing me down but I hope it will go away soon.

The only thing I wish is that I had someone to share stuff with (um, well - besides Opposite George that is ;))

So unbelievably tired. . .

Not as tired as a new mother. . .but pretty darn tired! Stressed, angry, hurt,. . .etc. I wanted 2009 to be finished with the hope that 2010 would be better. I think all will be well when the apocalypse of 2012 comes. Then I may have some peace of mind.





Just need some of that Karma to kick in to people who deserve it, amirite?! :)

Congrats!!

This is just a congrats shout out to this chicka on finally having that other lil' one :) Lots of love, MOI xoxo

There's a beat I was missing. . .

Now a symphony's the only song to sing. . .

KELIS - Acapella lyrics

Send "Acapella" Ringtone to your Cell

I was walking, was living

My melody was acapella
There’s a beat I was missing
No tune, or a scale, I could play
-
The sound in the distance
No orchestra playing together
Like a boat out to sea,
The silence was too deafening
-
So come and revive me
I can’t feel my heartbeat
Just me surviving alone
-
(Chorus)
Before you,
My whole life was acapella
Now a symphony’s
The only song to sing
Before you,
My whole life was acapella
Now a symphony’s
The only song to sing
-
Everything was the same
One color was just like the others
An assembly routine
My memories were all black and white
Till I stopped overthinking
Decided to draw back the curtains
And I cleared all the cobwebs
And began to let in the light
-
So come and revive me
I can’t feel my heartbeat
Just me surviving alone
-
(Chorus)
Before you,
My whole life was acapella
Now a symphony’s
The only song to sing
Before you,
My whole life was acapella
Now a symphony’s
The only song to sing
-
(Bridge – 3X)
You are the drum in my heart beat
Bass and guitar lead
Stuck on the notes you play
My heart that you play on
Red like a crayon
I can’t walk away
-
(Chorus – 2X)
Before you,
My whole life was acapella
Now a symphony’s
The only song to sing
Before you,
My whole life was acapella
Now a symphony’s
The only song to sing


OUTSTANDING!!!

Still the Owner of a Lonely Heart

My job is not difficult. I thought at first it was going to be but when I got used to it I realized the Transfer and Hold button were my best friends. It's actually a very mundane and repetitive job. I really do enjoy helping people though. I like getting commendations and such.

The one thing I realized though that made my job terrible is that fact that I actually had friends there. I really enjoy talking to them and socializing again. When I was at home I obviously did not get to do that too much. Plus they teach me a bunch of stuff. I rediscovered cricket through my friends there. As such, I was able to speak to my dad about something he liked.

Now that everyone has left I have no one to talk to. My best friend there took off for a week. I flipped because it was so dull with no one's company. I plan on punching him in the feet when I see him. I think I really feel like I have no friends and no one in my life. It really sucks! I know that life gets in the way for everyone. One of my dear friends whose birthday passed told me that she doesn't deserve a friend like me. I thought that was so odd. I just think I'm so miserable for company all the time. But then I see 5 missed calls from my buddy and I think. . .hmm, maybe some folks do like my company.



I must find this movie w/ english subtitles!! It's driving me nuts how much I want to watch it :P

You know how I know. . .

You know how I know that you're lonely. . .when you have your court date and no family or friends to go with you. . .that's how I know.

I understand. I always knew I'd be alone. For a while I thought I wouldn't be but that's okay. All it means is that my sixth sense was right again.

But how can some one be there for you if you never ask? Don't be lonely. . .just ask. . .and I'm there for you ;)



From Mother India. . .hardcore Old Skool

Chaiya Chaiya (Walk in the Shadow of Love)

I jus' up and teefed it. . .


1. It’s 2AM and you are not home. You are more than likely:
Prolly clubbin' with the chickas

2. What’s the last thing you spent more than $100 on?
Clothes for Thing 1 and Thing 2, jewellery and accessories for them too!

3. What do your bank checks look like?
Green and blank

4. Where did the shirt you are currently wearing come from?
Fairweather

5. Name something that will be on your Christmas wish list: a car and home for moi and the kiddles

6. What color is your toothbrush?
Aqua and white

7. Name something you collect and tell us about it.
Hmm, nothing really. Wouldn't want to be a hoarder!

8. Last restaurant you ate at. Who were you with? How was it?
Rainforest Cafe with Thing 1 and Thing 2. Terrible, but after I got the manager. . .MUCH better.

9. Who was the last person you bought a birthday card for?
Um. . .I *think* ex-mother-in-law

10. What is your worst bad habit?
I honestly have too many to name

11. Name a magazine you subscribe to?
Wow, haven't done that since I was a teen!

12. Your favorite pizza toppings?
Chicken, Spinach and Sundried Tomatoes

13. Whose number were you looking up the last time you used a phone book?
A customer. . .and nobody uses phone books. Except for my customers born in the 20's, 30's and 40's.

14. Other than family, who is the person that you love most?
Uh, my friends I guess. . .but I consider them family too :)

15. What is the last thing you cooked?
Um. . .roti I think. Unless you consider when I heat up my moustache wax.

16. Name something you wouldn’t want to buy used?
Shoes?! I don't know. . .junk I guess.

17. Which shoe do you put on first?
Wow, I never thought about that but always the right.

18. What is the last thing you remember losing?
Ergh, my phone. . .but thankfully I got it back.

19. What is the ugliest piece of furniture in your house?
I think the question is more. . .what isn't ugly. . .blargh!

20. Last thing you bought and ended up returning?
I have no idea, can't remember the last time I returned something.

21. What perfume/cologne do you wear? If none, why?
If I could, my Fifth Avenue. Otherwise - I'd love to wear Angel or Burberry.

22. Your favorite board game?
Not too into board games. . .but I like dominoes.

23. What was the last board game you played?
Scrabble

24. Where did your vehicle come from?
My old one? A Honda. . .but I believe it was built in Canada.

25. If a movie was made about your life what would the theme song be?
Everything is Everything by Lauryn Hill or. . .Chaiya Chaiya?

26. You’re sad, who can cheer you up easily?
The things, sometimes a young cricket player. . .but no one otherwise >:/

27. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?
Burgundy

28. What house cleaning chore do you hate to do the most?
Behind the stove. . .and other stuff that requires heavy gunk and lots of moving stuff around.


29. What is your favorite way to eat chicken?
Hot Wings prolly

30. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is?
Vanilla and Ice Cream. . .possibly cookies and cream - YUM!

And how was your day?

"I'm on my way and I've got your pass, I'll meet you at the bus stop as usual."

"Okay, I'm on my way going there now"

Jumped off the bus. Hmmm, Milhouse is right. . .she is lollygagging. . .

"Okay, thank you _____"

"Yeah, I'm sorry I wasn't able to get our money back. I'll file a complaint with the TTC. I went to Davisville today"

"What did you do today?"

"Umm, I went to the mall and got a haircut. Walked around for a while. I wanted to see this movie called Inception but I didn't yet. I saw Toy Story 3 yesterday with the kids. Went to Davisville like I told you and just came here."

"So, what are you doing now?"

"Nothing, it's 6 now so I'm going home to clean up and prep for the next day"

"Well, I'm glad you got the pass. You look very nice today. . .so slim and pretty"

"(Laughing) I'm not slim, just wearing jeans that fit me finally. Also, my hair was done so that probably helps."

"But, you know right. . .you are so young. You should be going out and you really need to meet someone and enjoy your time. Kids are good but, yeah. . .like someone to have is better. No company right."

"Uh, yeah. . .I'm . . .just busy and stuff. I got a lot of responsibilities now. A little harder to meet someone who is patient right. Wish it could be that easy for me - HA!"

"Oh ooookkkaaayyy, well don't wait too long you know. Not good to wait such a long time."

". . . . .yuuupp"

"See you tomorrow then?"

"Heh, maybe"

"Take care"

"You too"

My dear (lollygagging) friend. . .I do not share the responsibility of parenting anymore. It's just me and I've got to be consistent. Wouldn't it be so nice to simply have someone show up and gaze at me like I was the long lost Madhubala? HA! Well, that would be something.



If only I could spot my own Dilip Kumar ;)

And it goes a little something like this. . .

Yeah, I know - I know!! Never posting, that's me now. I think I'll take a page from this awesome chicka's book and be a little off the wall. But those of you who know me will *know* me.

"Hey, do you want some of these? I grabbed them for *blank* but he didn't show up again"

"Yeah, I'll take a couple. Do you love this guy or something?"

"Ummm, yeah. . .I guess - he's my friend. I tend to do stuff for my friends right? Don't you??"

"Yeah, I guess"

"Why you always coming around?"

"Well, your boss is my old boss and I'm friends with him and a couple of people here. I come to chill and say hi (and I was going to tell the old boss that you were a good guy but f*** it). Am I bugging you?"

"Nah, it's cool"

"What kind of music do you listen to?"

"Hard Rock"

"Yeah?! What bands?"

"****stani Hard Rock, but they're too many bands to name"

"Wow, I wasn't aware that there was such a thing. I will have to give it a listen. Do you listen to old Gazls like *blank*?"

"Yeah, sometimes"

"Do you want to hang out sometime?"

"I'm kinda busy, going to a party later"

"Okay, good stuff - enjoy your party (well, I tried and you ARE extremely droolworthy and incredibly handsome. You're also kind of a dick and I get that). Let me know when you're free (Greeeeaaattt, now I sound like some lovestruck schoolgirl)"

He turns away.

Buddy, you are literally one of the tallest, handsomest men I have ever seen. In fact, I did not know that men were even built like you in your country or anywhere! You are a complete a**hole though when I got to know you. That figures, guys who look like you often are (perhaps because women like me act dumbstruck far too often around you). So unlike *blank*, who I miss chatting with. Schoolgirl crush has completely ceased and averted.





I don't know why but it reminds me of . . .Nickelback for some reason - HA!

A Poignant Sorry?!

Yup, sorry for all the depressing blog entries. I honestly can't help it though. I just keep going over and over it again and again in my mind. All that I lost and what my life is now. Even worse, what my kids' life will be. A horrid life similar to mine and that was something I REALLY didn't want but I hope that it doesn't come to that.

Just came back from work. I feel terrible when I go there now because I have no time to talk to my friends from work anymore. Our breaks and lunches are so short that I just stay at my desk and drink and ensure or snack on a granola bar. I used to really look forward to going because when I was in training, although I was stressed about learning everything - at least I got to interact with folks. Now I just interact with d*ckhead customers all day. I honestly want to tell them to just go to other providers and stop thinking everything is free you cheap money-grubbing jerks!! But alas, I really need the job and can only hope that I still have one at the end of this week :S

I find I also look forward to seeing my floor support guys. They are so insanely nice. The one pervy indian guy who is always telling me to relax baby and stop being such a girl is actually a huge sweetheart. He ALWAYS comes and helps me and takes out so much time to explain things to me. So does the one-armed guy, yup he just has one arm(which I didn't realize for an entire week!) but is also incredibly sweet. I find they really try to boost us when we are there which is so wonderful of them. Honestly, they don't have to be as nice to us as they are and we've been calling them the wrong names for ages now but they are totally cool. I can only hope that I keep my job and return the favour to someone in my position one day.

It's not just that too. I was depressed before I went into work (please reference previous post) and inbetween the jerk customers - they really made me laugh. They said it was their duty since I seemed down today. Good folks like that are what makes the world go round :) As of right this second. . .they are my heroes - HA!

Nervous Breakdown coming soon. . .

On Saturday I filed for divorce finally. Giving Kirk what he wanted. He no longer has to see, speak or hear of me ever again. Looks like he feels the same way about his kids most of the time.

I was depressed about it for Sunday so I didn't do anything for Mother's Day. Also, because it was snowing.

My job deeply depresses me too because I honestly don't know what I'm doing and I am trying but it's just difficult for me to grasp everything. I'm not so young anymore and this is something (math) that is just not my forte.

Today, the weekend was over and the first thing to greet me in the morning was my mom cursing me out for being a horrible mother and never doing anything but sleep, work and eat. I do not believe this is true but my shift changed so I'm not here to spend the nights with the girls anymore. I'll also be working weekends so that doesn't make it any easier. As my mom pointed out I just left them and didn't bother with them anymore. I knew this was going to happen when I started working nights. I had told them that this would be the shift I have to work and that the training would be nice for a while.

I didn't bother answering her. All they do is complain to me even though I feel depressed all the time - honestly, I just feel like committing suicide at this point it's just that depressing for me. I don't go anywhere either because I know they will complain about it. The only place I went to on Saturday was to file the papers and to clear up my credit card. That was about it. I really wish I lived on my own somewhere REALLY far from here. If I could, I would just pack up and move to some nowhere town in Ontario. I'm alone all the time anyways. I may as well take my kids with me and just get gone. That's what I really feel like doing. It's what I felt like doing in the first place when I was with Kirk.

Off to do more crying and crying and crying.

Here I Go. . .

Okay, a quickie as I shortly have to go to the horrid fest that is my job :( Believe it or not I actually count down the time until the shift is done and always secretly hope the systems go down. As you can gather I deal with a lot of d*cks and have absolutely no clue what I'm doing!!!

In any case, another depressing note. But first, let me thank my friends for trying to lift me up - you all know who you are and I would be in far worse shambles without you there to lift me up.

I will be starting my divorce proceedings on Monday.

I only have one more thing to hand in to my lawyer (my tax returns) which my good friend Griz will help me with on the weekend and then the ball will get rolling.

Despite the fact that Kirk Van Houten is a d**chebag, and I assure you - he most assuredly is. I still feel like I've been shorted and lost everything. The house I got for my kids to grow up in is gone as is all our stuff. The car my parents bought for me, all the efforts I put into the home I formerly had. . .just . . .gone. It's very depressing to have all these plans for wanting to raise your kids better and to have more than what you had to now be fighting for use of a whole closet.

My kids are unhappy and I am unhappy. Even as I sit here typing this I think about how my girls brought me some beautiful roses and paper tissue roses for mother's day and how I should be giving them so much more in return and I simply cannot do that anymore. I had a beautiful crystal vase that I would have put it in if I were still living in Hamilton but he has it now and I have nowhere to put their wonderful gift because I have nothing of my own except the clothes on my back. I also have some clothes on their back because of my wonderful friend Griz!

So now as I panic while the time draws closer for me to go to work. . .I will see what our legal system can offer me back in due time.

i wish

So I freely admit that I am in a perpetual funk. I have been told that this is VERY normal but it still doesn't make it any easier on me.

I now go over in my mind about all the things that happened to me and I feel very stupid. I wish I was a smarter person. . .then maybe I wouldn't have made so many mistakes. I am learning from them, I just wish that it didn't take me losing everything to get the lesson.

I'm happy that I lost some weight. I wish I was losing more. Heck, I wish I was a size zero. I sometimes look at all the girls around me that are my age and see how much more prettier they are than me and I realize, I really will be alone for the rest of my life. I simply cannot compete. I don't begrudge a pretty girl anything but I wish I had something. A house or car of my own, some money in the bank. . .you know SOMETHING! I don't have anything though, I'm not even an interesting person. I don't run 5 k and I'm not a good cook, I'm not artistic and I don't have a really good job. I don't go on awesome trips and a whole lot more don'ts that I wish were do's. I've never even lived in another city as I don't count the 8 months I briefly lived in Hamilton. Whereas everyone I know has pretty much packed up and at a minimum, lived somewhere else.

I see myself being 50 and alone renting my parents spare bedroom and having my kids hate me for not giving them everything they should have had. I wish that didn't have to happen. I see that loser having some happy rich life and having some other kids while he forgets the ones he had here. Heck, he already forgets them!! Still no calls or visits. . .which is how I can only assume he believes parenting works.

It makes me believe that perhaps the point of my life is to serve as a warning to others. Not everyone can "live their best life" and some of just are just meant to struggle on by. . .

Now excuse me while I go cry. . .

About a Million Things

I have probably a million things running through my mind at any given moment. I keep thinking about what I should write about. So very random. . .

Well, firstly. . .I informed Kirk Van Houten that I will be going over the lawyer to get the paperwork underway. Unlike Ol' Kirk, I don't leave someone scrambling to put their life together and inform them of my decision at the very last second. I don't understand how I ended up with this do*che. I probably should have turned him down after that first date especially since everyone told me I should NOT date that guy. I sadly think my faith in people was my downturn. I've obviously become more cynical now and realize that some folks are just damaged and can never get better no matter how many pills they take.

I tried to date. . .and really failed at it. Maybe I just don't know how to talk or flirt anymore. I have to come to accept that there are a lot of people out there who are alone and I'm one of them. Heck, I was alone when I was married anyways. It's probably why I feel the pinch of it . . .because I really have been alone for such a long time. For the first time, probably since my divorce got underway. . .everyone in the house was gone. It really struck me that I don't know what I'll do when everyone just moves on. I'm really going to have a get my own house and become a crazy cat lady. It's probably the only way I can happily live by myself.

I was looking at homes in Brampton. A TON of my co-workers live there and it seems to have more and more appeal to me lately. Also, the homes are cheap and may be within what I can afford even if I earn minimum wage. I would like my own space since my parents constantly complain about my things being here. It gets very demoralizing to me because it's not like I kicked myself out of my house and I really have been trying the best I can with my things and my girls' things. My parents' place was absolutely jam-packed before I moved in and it's obviously worse now. They also tell me that I have to do stuff around the house (which I do!) but I still get treated like a nuisance who can't get their life together and I'm encroaching on them with my kids and stuff.They complain about me constantly (to everyone who will listen!) and keep on me about how come I can't fix my marriage and how did I let it fail. Don't I love my kids? How did I let this happen? Etc, etc. I don't really have an answer for that, so I just stay quiet most of the time and retreat into a book or the internet. If it's really bad for me, I just go out for dinner and watch a movie by myself.

Speaking of which, that's how I went on the dates in the first place. I thought about asking folks to go with me but the reality is I know people are busy and that's just the way life is. I got tired of going by myself but the dates as I said earlier didn't work out either. So I'll have to be happy with my own company. What I see happening to me is becoming the mom who asks their kids to hang out with them because they have nobody and I really don't want that to happen so I'll just keep going by myself.

Terrified. . .that probably is the best way to describe my job situation now. I am constantly getting assessed and I have no idea what I'm doing. . .I only hope that I can keep my job at the end of three months. I also hope that I can do it well because I would really like to stay in the job because it's very close to my parent's house.

Well, always trying to end on a positive at least I have a job. I have a place to live and I'm surviving. I'm glad for that.

Happy Birthday Lee!!!

Yeah, no real reason to be on here. . . just wanted to wish Lee a Happy 29th Birthday! All the best girlie :P


Some good ol' MJ for ya :)

Currently. . .

The drama that is moi :P

Okay, negative out of the way first so I can end with the positive.

Kirk Van Houten came over and took me and the kiddles out for dinner on Friday. Mind you - we haven't seen him in weeks now. No calls, no emails, nothing. Also, he still showed up with nothing except a few papers for me to apply for additional benefits for my kids. But nothing like the things I actually asked for. Such as, my clothes, their clothes, my sewing machine, money, etc, etc, etc,. and most importantly - my tax returns which I need in order to file for a divorce.

Oh and he took us to craptacular Pizza Hut. He has some obsession with the place since he used to work there. I have no idea why, the food really sucks. Not that I don't appreciate the free meal. . .but honestly. . .my stomach has a better time with Taco Bell.

On to some positive.

I finished my first week of my new job. It was pretty nice. The pay is still terrible but otherwise, everything else has been pretty good so far. Lots to learn.

I've got a lawyer as of Wednesday so I can finally start proceedings against Kirk there. Just the beginning but at least I've got some direction. Lots to do on my end and I'm thinking I should invest in a printer/scanner because of all the paperwork coming my way.

And lastly, I feel better now. I can honestly and finally say that I'm over the guy and I don't love him anymore. How can I say this? Because I don't hate him either. I've forgiven him. Of course, that does not mean that I still won't fight him for everything (because he's still a d-bag)but the relationship part I can put to rest. He told me that I was right about his loser friend living with him. I guess the fact that the guy is a leech and a loser and lazy finally dawned upon him. I thought that was funny considering how badly he was treating me to fall all over the place trying to please the guy(which was weird!). I didn't ask him why or how he came to that conclusion because . . .I really didn't care.

A happy me for now and hopefully an even happier me this time next year, that's how I like it :)

Now I'm off to watch Sliding Doors, hence the image - good movie :P

Why Chat Roulette May Not Be For You . . .

Slightly NSF

True Story.

Girl: Hi, how are you?
Guy: I'm good, how are you?
Girl: I'm good
Guy: So, what are you up to?
Girl: Nothing much, just chatting with you :)
Guy: You're really cute
Girl: Thank you that's sweet. You're cute too.
Guy: So, what do you like to do.
Girl: Lotsa stuff, hang out, watch tv, the usual
Guy: Oh yeah, what are you into?
Girl: Hm? Lol - are you asking me that because you're 24? You younger guys :)
Guy: Oh yeah, you're bad huh. Liking younger guys ;)
Girl: Wow, younger guys are exactly as I remember them - lol
Guy: So c'mon cutie what are you into?
Girl: I'm into. . . BDSM
Guy: Oh yeah, is that like a** up, face down and me pulling on your hair?
Girl: No, more like chains, whips, leather, bondage, handcuffs and generally pain. Not many guys I know are into that sort of thing.
Guy: Oooohhh, HOT! You're turning me on.
Girl: LOL
Guy: Hey girl, you like this *guy whips out d*ck and strokes in on webcam*
Girl: Oh yeah, that's hot - wish I could burn it.
Guy: What??!!
Girl: Yeah, I told you. I'm into B-D-S-M. I'd pour candlewax on it or stomp on it like a mofo. I like PAIN remember?
Guy:. . . . . . .
Guy: Um, totally forgot I'm really a super g*y f*gg*t
Girl: Awesome :)
Guy: *this user has disconnected*
Girl: Ah well. . .I thought I had a keeper :P

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Sorry, I know I'm a day late. I actually went out. The depression was deeply crushing. I enjoyed LAZERS!!! PEW! PEW! The preview for Tron looked cool and I watched Alice in Wonderland in 3D. The drunken revellers were in full blast last night but they were gone by 11. If it was St. Patrick's day on a weekend I'm sure it would have been a very different story. Besides jumping over puke spots and beer bottles on the subway - fun was had by me. No point in waiting for someone to do things with - just gotta go by myself!

Below is Advice Leprechaun - Image is NSFW (sorta - mostly do to swears :P)

Cheers Mate!

Slowly but surely

So I'm still angry. Sad, depressed, scared. . .you name it. But that's normal and I accept that. I hope I eventually come to acceptance and move on with my life. Week after week goes by and I just feel stagnant. Waiting and wanting something to change.

Kirk isn't much help. I ask him for my clothes and the girls' clothes. Still waiting on it. He writes he'll figure it out and get back to me. I'm not sure what that means. Does he plan on holding our clothes hostage? So really, no idea. If he's being sneaky again. . .okay, I understand that. It's a shame he simply can't or maybe doesn't know how to me honest. Hopefully, we'll be able to resolve things and yes - despite the fact I really hate him, I hope I can find some measure of friendship with him for my kids. Although, it would probably be more like acquaintances now. I think the further I have him from my life the happier I can finally be and I'm sure it's the same for him.

As for the casualties, my girls I hope they will be okay. I try to keep up a sense of routine and they seem pretty good. Going to school and going out. I signed them up for dance classes which they will start next week. I talk to them and try to make sure that they are not getting distressed. Of course, I have told Kirk that he can call them and see them here when he wants. I'm not going to pester him about doing it anymore though. If he wants to call or to see them he's free to do so. Hope he actually takes the opportunity.

Updatish Post

Okay, so here's my situation now. I've been separated since November but quite honestly I think Kirk Van Houten checked out of the marriage long before that. I now live in Toronto again. Shacked up with my parents. I've been someone who always does what they have to do to survive and now is no exception. I've been living here since November, not an ideal situation but I hope that I will be able to change that in time. Just have to be patient.

I met with Kirk Van Houten to discuss what I wanted in regards to the separation. This would include most of the furniture (which was gifted to me anyways) and money for a car, proceeds from the house (which I consider reasonable since I will be losing a pension, income, etc.), to be free and clear of debt (One of the problems with Kirk was his constant and incessant habit of going into debt) and of course, child and spousal support. I hope that he will be amicable in this sense and allow me the things I want. I don't think he seems to understand that yes, he may find it a bit brutal in the next two or three years but after that - with his income; he'd be living free and clear since I would be absorbing all the costs in the future. I can only hope for the best.

As for my girls, they are coping. I wish I could buy a new home for them right now and carry on with taking care of them. Taking them out to play and on trips so they don't have to cope with all that's going on. I think Kirk Van Houten could do more regarding spending time with them but it seems like he's just set on himself. He told me on Saturday that he had plans to meet with friends and go out. I thought - how typical of you, instead of spending time with your children, you're racing off to party with friends. Well, that's why we can't work out. I will always put my kids first as my priority and Kirk Van Houten will always put himself first. More updates will follow soon :)

Where have you been?

Alright, I know that I vanished. Probably the three folks who read the blog already know the reason but I will let it be known to the blogosphere.

The person formerly known as Dr. Evil aka my spouse decided he did not want to be married to me anymore and consequently kicked me out of my house along with my kids. I now live in Toronto with my parents which has challenges in itself. Trying to piece my life back together while still trying to figure out what to do and how to protect Thing 1 and Thing 2 because above all, they are my priority.

Some days are good and others are bad, I look forward to when this is all settled and possibly even having my own home again one day. More about that later. So now, I am trying to deal with young kids and going through a separation. No easy task I assure you.

All due to KIRK VAN HOUTEN. . .that is Dr. Evils new name. . .without further ado I present this dork :)

Resembling the Simpsons character in many ways. Here is the father of Milhouse Van Houten. . .can he borrow a feeling, can you lend him a jar of love? Uhhh, nah ;)

HELLLLOOOOOO!!

Well, I've taken a long enough break there. I'll be honest with folks. I really needed it. Dr. Evil and I are splitting up and it's been a tough time for me. I had to give up the blog for a while but honestly I'll be glad to put down some words and thoughts again because. . .it always felt kinda therapeutic :)

So here's the deal. I'm living sans Dr. Evil with my parents and of course my no nose nugget twins :) As I go through this process I'm gonna keep them always on my mind because I'm their mom and it's first and foremost on my mind. I've got a long road ahead of me but I just have to keep in mind that their is an end to it and Thing 1 and Thing 2 have to come out of it as unaffected as possible.

So there you go. . .I'M BACK :)