Good Vibrations :)

Opposite George told me the best revenge is living well. So true. She told me about how her ex emailed her again! Shucks, it's only been 4 years since they broke up and he cheated and got another girl pregnant (a white girl no less!(although I never say anything about that part XD))

I mean I have my ups and downs. The hardest of course is dealing with the twins and just not really knowing how to explain d-bag not calling them or seeing them. The fact that he still commits all kinds of f*ckery is beyond me. I just don't get what kind of battle he's fighting. Is he keeping score or something??

D-Bag: 5 Me: 7 Our Kids: -1,000,000

It still pisses me off. I am willing to leave all my family and friends and literally start my life over in order to provide and he's just. . .I dunno. . .I can't explain it.

The thing is. . .I know there are good men out there. I talk to and interact with them on a daily basis (German Steel, D&H). I just feel insanely ashamed that I picked one of the absolute worse among them. It's downright embarrassing.

At least, day by day. . .I get a little of what I lost back. I build my confidence and my life which I felt I had lost for so many years. And it's true. . .to be a good parent; you do need to be happy and take care of yourself.

I am worried about how Thing 1 and Thing 2 will turn out. They are very sensitive children. I hope and pray (shoot, I attend mass twice a week!) that everything will be okay. Not even great or anything. . .just at the very least. . .okay :)

*Hangs head in shame*

Shucks, even after everything I've been through with him. . .you would *think* things would be an open and shut case. Even in his darkest hour. . .I just love him. Good thing I've never told him.

 Yup, hardcore d*ckmatized o_O


On another note saw the ex for lunch. . .it was weird - HA!

I'll put something witty here later. . .

Wow, I finally get to come on teh internets again for 5 seconds!! HA! Yeah, pretty darn busy. So far - not too bad. Lots of stress to deal with but things come with time. Getting settled and getting into a new and permanent routine. As long as Thing 1 and Thing 2 are happy and looked after then I can be content. Mind ya, it's pretty lonely. It's also very quiet here but I don't mind going to bed so early :) I always assumed I was a routine kind of person - and clearly I am. Have had a cold for about 3 weeks now. . .it's slowing me down but I hope it will go away soon.

The only thing I wish is that I had someone to share stuff with (um, well - besides Opposite George that is ;))

So unbelievably tired. . .

Not as tired as a new mother. . .but pretty darn tired! Stressed, angry, hurt,. . .etc. I wanted 2009 to be finished with the hope that 2010 would be better. I think all will be well when the apocalypse of 2012 comes. Then I may have some peace of mind.





Just need some of that Karma to kick in to people who deserve it, amirite?! :)

Currently. . .

The drama that is moi :P

Okay, negative out of the way first so I can end with the positive.

Kirk Van Houten came over and took me and the kiddles out for dinner on Friday. Mind you - we haven't seen him in weeks now. No calls, no emails, nothing. Also, he still showed up with nothing except a few papers for me to apply for additional benefits for my kids. But nothing like the things I actually asked for. Such as, my clothes, their clothes, my sewing machine, money, etc, etc, etc,. and most importantly - my tax returns which I need in order to file for a divorce.

Oh and he took us to craptacular Pizza Hut. He has some obsession with the place since he used to work there. I have no idea why, the food really sucks. Not that I don't appreciate the free meal. . .but honestly. . .my stomach has a better time with Taco Bell.

On to some positive.

I finished my first week of my new job. It was pretty nice. The pay is still terrible but otherwise, everything else has been pretty good so far. Lots to learn.

I've got a lawyer as of Wednesday so I can finally start proceedings against Kirk there. Just the beginning but at least I've got some direction. Lots to do on my end and I'm thinking I should invest in a printer/scanner because of all the paperwork coming my way.

And lastly, I feel better now. I can honestly and finally say that I'm over the guy and I don't love him anymore. How can I say this? Because I don't hate him either. I've forgiven him. Of course, that does not mean that I still won't fight him for everything (because he's still a d-bag)but the relationship part I can put to rest. He told me that I was right about his loser friend living with him. I guess the fact that the guy is a leech and a loser and lazy finally dawned upon him. I thought that was funny considering how badly he was treating me to fall all over the place trying to please the guy(which was weird!). I didn't ask him why or how he came to that conclusion because . . .I really didn't care.

A happy me for now and hopefully an even happier me this time next year, that's how I like it :)

Now I'm off to watch Sliding Doors, hence the image - good movie :P

Slowly but surely

So I'm still angry. Sad, depressed, scared. . .you name it. But that's normal and I accept that. I hope I eventually come to acceptance and move on with my life. Week after week goes by and I just feel stagnant. Waiting and wanting something to change.

Kirk isn't much help. I ask him for my clothes and the girls' clothes. Still waiting on it. He writes he'll figure it out and get back to me. I'm not sure what that means. Does he plan on holding our clothes hostage? So really, no idea. If he's being sneaky again. . .okay, I understand that. It's a shame he simply can't or maybe doesn't know how to me honest. Hopefully, we'll be able to resolve things and yes - despite the fact I really hate him, I hope I can find some measure of friendship with him for my kids. Although, it would probably be more like acquaintances now. I think the further I have him from my life the happier I can finally be and I'm sure it's the same for him.

As for the casualties, my girls I hope they will be okay. I try to keep up a sense of routine and they seem pretty good. Going to school and going out. I signed them up for dance classes which they will start next week. I talk to them and try to make sure that they are not getting distressed. Of course, I have told Kirk that he can call them and see them here when he wants. I'm not going to pester him about doing it anymore though. If he wants to call or to see them he's free to do so. Hope he actually takes the opportunity.

Updatish Post

Okay, so here's my situation now. I've been separated since November but quite honestly I think Kirk Van Houten checked out of the marriage long before that. I now live in Toronto again. Shacked up with my parents. I've been someone who always does what they have to do to survive and now is no exception. I've been living here since November, not an ideal situation but I hope that I will be able to change that in time. Just have to be patient.

I met with Kirk Van Houten to discuss what I wanted in regards to the separation. This would include most of the furniture (which was gifted to me anyways) and money for a car, proceeds from the house (which I consider reasonable since I will be losing a pension, income, etc.), to be free and clear of debt (One of the problems with Kirk was his constant and incessant habit of going into debt) and of course, child and spousal support. I hope that he will be amicable in this sense and allow me the things I want. I don't think he seems to understand that yes, he may find it a bit brutal in the next two or three years but after that - with his income; he'd be living free and clear since I would be absorbing all the costs in the future. I can only hope for the best.

As for my girls, they are coping. I wish I could buy a new home for them right now and carry on with taking care of them. Taking them out to play and on trips so they don't have to cope with all that's going on. I think Kirk Van Houten could do more regarding spending time with them but it seems like he's just set on himself. He told me on Saturday that he had plans to meet with friends and go out. I thought - how typical of you, instead of spending time with your children, you're racing off to party with friends. Well, that's why we can't work out. I will always put my kids first as my priority and Kirk Van Houten will always put himself first. More updates will follow soon :)

Where have you been?

Alright, I know that I vanished. Probably the three folks who read the blog already know the reason but I will let it be known to the blogosphere.

The person formerly known as Dr. Evil aka my spouse decided he did not want to be married to me anymore and consequently kicked me out of my house along with my kids. I now live in Toronto with my parents which has challenges in itself. Trying to piece my life back together while still trying to figure out what to do and how to protect Thing 1 and Thing 2 because above all, they are my priority.

Some days are good and others are bad, I look forward to when this is all settled and possibly even having my own home again one day. More about that later. So now, I am trying to deal with young kids and going through a separation. No easy task I assure you.

All due to KIRK VAN HOUTEN. . .that is Dr. Evils new name. . .without further ado I present this dork :)

Resembling the Simpsons character in many ways. Here is the father of Milhouse Van Houten. . .can he borrow a feeling, can you lend him a jar of love? Uhhh, nah ;)

HELLLLOOOOOO!!

Well, I've taken a long enough break there. I'll be honest with folks. I really needed it. Dr. Evil and I are splitting up and it's been a tough time for me. I had to give up the blog for a while but honestly I'll be glad to put down some words and thoughts again because. . .it always felt kinda therapeutic :)

So here's the deal. I'm living sans Dr. Evil with my parents and of course my no nose nugget twins :) As I go through this process I'm gonna keep them always on my mind because I'm their mom and it's first and foremost on my mind. I've got a long road ahead of me but I just have to keep in mind that their is an end to it and Thing 1 and Thing 2 have to come out of it as unaffected as possible.

So there you go. . .I'M BACK :)

Soon-to-be Divorcee?

Well, the little seems to be on the mend. Very slowly but getting there. And of course, since she can't go out we've been indoors for the last few weeks except for when we went to the bday party. It's not bad. I'm missing out on all the gardening. I have no idea how overgrown everything will be when I finally do get out there and cut that damn grass but I'm hoping it won't be too long.

So in other news, I'm actually going out and spending money. Something I've opted not to do in a long time because of the debt status. Oh, I have gone out here and there but nothing really. Well, if all goes according to plan I'm finally going to have sushi which I have not had now in pretty much a year. Also, gonna go clubbing but this will probably be the only time I do so. Now that I live so far it seems like a huge hassle. Staying with my parents is very annoying.

So I'll be inviting soon-to-be divorcee. Good company most of the time; but much like BJL she doesn't have any friends here and doesn't seem to have it all together in the practical department.

Now BJL has moved on and has a life and hopefully more practicality. But seeing both STBD and BJL are older than me and lack common sense just goes to show me that with age does not mean maturity.

Back to STBD. She is married to Dr. Evil's high school chum. I do not think much of the fellow. He just seems to lack all rationality. I cannot understand how folks get through life being so naive but hey, somehow they do. He married STBD and I met them for the first time when they came down to my old condo for a visit. STBD got pregnant around the same time as I did and has a son one month younger than the Things.

Now STBD and I bonded over the lack of common sense that Dr. Evil and High school chum had but whereas Dr. Evil knows when to back off. . .High school chum does not.

I began to hear of their relentless problems regarding their home, maintenance, money, child, etc. Basically, the norm stuff that affects most young families.

Well, still thought that maybe if they tried they could work things through. I was sure anyone can as long as you were willing too.

So I came down to visit them last summer. I went to their house which is (I guess) in the bad part of Hamilton. It was actually a very nice street. It reminded me of Parkdale with the old homes. From the outside their home was beautiful. A Victorian with stained glass windows and gingerbread (I'm a bit of a home buff). Then I went inside.

Can I tell you that the place was an utter PIGSTY!!!

Now when I say pigsty I really mean it was the worst home that I've ever walked into. Now I've lived in group homes and seen folks on welfare who had cleaner homes than their place. I've even let things slide but never on that scale. It looked like one of the homes I used to see on how clean is your house?

Let me describe it. There was mess and clutter everywhere. I had no place to walk. There was one of those huge stand-up recycling bins in the middle of the living room and it was full of garbage and there was garbage, crumbs and food everywhere. There was no place to sit. There were wires hanging out of the wall and everything was dirty. Mind you these people had a two-year old at the time. Open sockets and clothes piled everywhere. Their two giant pit bulls kept trying to jump on me. Their small child was just running around in this mess.

For my part I stayed polite and toured the rest of the home. Now the house itself was beautiful. Gorgeous styled oak staircase and if the windows were cleaned, the stained glass would have looked stunning but these two were not maintaining the property at all and it definitely showed.

I believe Dr. Evil thought that I had exaggerated about the house until he saw it for himself. He was appalled thinking they let their son run around with so many dangers.

Well, I thought. . .no wonder their life is a mess! If the chaos of their house was any indication than they really needed help.

I had asked STBD why they didn't clean the place up and this is why I really find her irritating. She said that she worked and didn't have the time to do it. Now I have plenty of friends who work and their homes do not look like that. So she chalked it up to her having a child. Another excuse. Then she said that her husband didn't clean so she didn't and he gave the same excuse. Um. . .are these people grown-ups? You don't want to clean because he doesn't and vice versa? You have a two-year old and that's okay with both of you to have him running around in this mess?

Oh and by the way. . .they wanted another child. My thought was; were they planning on making a crib out of the mounds of garbage in their bedrooms for the tot? Yeah, that will save your marriage.

Well, sadly. . .and it is sad to happen to anyone. STBD had a miscarriage and it was the straw that broke the camel's back. She kicked him out and found a divorce lawyer. He ran up the bills and then declared bankruptcy. These are adults. . .let me remind you again.

So that was in September and that is when they declared legal separation. They were fighting like cats and dogs and both me and Dr. Evil had to remind them that they had a son who knew what was going on and whether they liked it or not that was their son for life and they had to find a way to get along. Not until he was 18 but forever. This seemed to have stopped their incessant blaming and they moved on and found some way to compromise.

Now I guess being apart made them forget the past and they still love each other and STBD has told me many times that she would take him back. I suggested that perhaps it's better for them to live away from each other. Not every marriage is conventional and if that's what they had to do then consider their options.

So another thing that irritated me about STBD is the fact that she's constantly over. I damn well know why. My house is clean. Her place is not. Her son can run around without being in danger of electrocuting himself plus he has playmates. He's not in daycare so he doesn't socialize with any children. Unfortunately, his bad behaviour is beginning to show. The worst is that Thing One and Thing Two attempt to copy him which I hate.

Well, if you only have two days off instead of coming here and staying until 1 in the morning why don't you go home and start packing and sorting stuff. Then perhaps you can invite me over instead of just coming to my place all the time. After all, in the three years I've known her I've only went in the house once (unfortunately saw it) and have never been asked back again. And it would be nice if you didn't constantly invite yourself to my place because I like to do things like sleep and walk around in my underwear.

This weekend again she called to come over but I said the kids and I weren't feeling good so apparently trying to guilt trip(?) me she said that she promised her son that they would come over and he had been crying all day. Uh-huh, well I guess you shouldn't have promised him that without asking me first. So I said "aww, that's too bad. . well I gotta go get some cleaning done, talk to soon." I happily continued to spend the day in my underwear reading Twilight.

So the last thing (yes, I know it's a long post) is that she finally told Dr. Evil's high school chum that she wanted to get back together with him and he said no. She was very offended, angry and taken aback by this. So I talked to Dr. Evil and he said "she didn't tell you what she said?"

"Umm no, what happened?"

Dr. Evil told me that they were discussing it and his buddy was fine to get back together but he asked that she never kick him out again and that they would have to talk and work things out. Sounds reasonable to me.

She told him that that was fine and that she would take him back only if they started to try for another baby right away. Hmm, you're in mounds of debt. His job is unstable. You're home is still falling apart and you are on the path to divorce but want to try for a baby right away without at least working through one of those things???
Sorry, but I believe Dr. Evil's friend was very right when he said no. The smartest thing I've seen this guy do.

Will wonders never cease. . . .