Bay of (Married) Pigs

So hell week for me is done to some extent. I skipped taking the twinsies to school in the hopes of starting my hurricane clean but find myself in more of a funk than I'd hoped to be in. I was trying to fight it. . .but it came regardless. Cue me eating a muffin with chocolate frosting and sprinkles and deciding I needed to halt the work and watch something that would uplift me in some way.

I decided on something I hardly ever watched but was aware of. . .you cannot be a woman and 'not' at least aware of "Sex and the City."

It really was a good show and I've just watched the first three episodes of the first season. I finished with watching the episode Bay of (Married) Pigs. Carrie Bradshaw waxes on the enmity/pity/whatever you want to call it between singles and couples.

A brief recap of the episode finds Carrie thrust into a relationship with a guy who desperately wants to be married and the point is driven home when she brings Charlotte and Samantha to his housewarming party and finds he's 'only' friends with couples.

Miranda tries desperately to climb that corporate ladder is accidently set up with a lesbian as her co-workers believe she is gay (funny in real life that she turned out to be just that with rojo caliente!). She plays along because it's the first attention he firm's partners have shown her.

I found it quite funny. It's been a looooong time since I've been single but I haven't forgotten what it was like. I was very lonely and I had very much given up on finding anyone. I think I made peace with it and just stopped looking. I also remember feeling like I was just getting desperate for attention and I didn't who I was becoming. The hanger-on, the person who was always the third wheel, or looked at like I was about to steal someone's significant other. So not the case, because that's not my personality. I decided right then and there that I would only focus on the other aspects of my life.

I wanted to get my life togther and save money and travel. At the time that's the only thing I thought about. After a while I think I exhuded that and that I wouldn't settle for anything because I was focused on what I wanted.

Shortly thereafter I met hubby and he "sorta" swept me off my feet. I liked that I never have to put on "airs" with him. . .that right from the get-go I could just be my plain boring self and that he liked that about me.

At first you just want to spend every waking minute with that "significant other" and that's understandable. . .you're in love after all. Eventually, over time the honeymoon dips and it's just a steady stream with peaks and valleys inbetween. No. . .there's no happily ever after. . .just trying to make the best of everyday.

Now after seeing this episode, I get that it's lonely for some single people and that the "coupledom" seems like a big club that everyone wants to get into. Unfortunately it also skipped on some things.

For one, being in a couple doesn't always mean you're not lonely. Hubby works a lot and even when he is home there's always things to be done. . .doesn't leave a whole lot of time to spend together . . .it just leaves you tired and wanting to sleep so you can start early on the next day. I'm sure hubby feels the same way.

But it is lonely. I've told my "single" girlfriend this many times. I actually spend more time talking to her and telling her the goings on and stresses in my day than the hubby. . .would that make her more my significant other than the person I'm married to?

Another thing is envy. Being in a relationship also means you have certain responsibilities to that person. Almost like having children, you can't go anywhere without telling them. You can't shirk off your duties. . chores, childcare or whatever they may be. There is definitely a freedom I enjoyed when I was single, just going out with my friends whenever I pleased.

So, in this ramble I guess I wanted to point out that it's just a different set of circumstances. If you're single you may feel like the loneliest person in the world but then again you can also be in a relationship and be lonely. . .might just be a different kind of lonely.

Also, I wanted to say. . .don't be someone you're not. I tried it and I hated it. I'm always happy when I can just be plain, uninteresting me. I like routine and order. I had to realize that there was nothing 'wrong' with that.

Lastly, I just wanted to say that I hope that I have never made anyone feel like I did when I was the third wheel. I do try to see my friends just on my own and not "force" the couple thing on anyone like it was done to me. After all, hubby and I aren't joined at the hip. I like having the time apart too. . .makes me feel like my friends are just there for plain uninteresting me. That's why I always call going out with my friends "dates" now.

There's probably a lot more that I can say on the subject, but I'll stop for now and leave more for another post. I have to get back to watching "Sex and the City" and then calling my "significant other" to ask her how her day at work went :)